For this week's blog, I decided to take a few pretty common concerns for teens about how they think parents really feel, and then address them. Being a momma first and educator second, I think these were some pretty good ones! What do you think?
1. My Parents Just Want To Control My Whole Life!
If you remember correctly, we did used to be in charge of your whole life. We were responsible for every little thing you needed and wanted. So as things change and you begin to vie for control of things, we, as parents are looking to see that you are ready to take control. We know that you are growing up and are in need to want to run things in your life, but if you could slow down a little and help us to make it a gradual transition instead of overnight, that would be most helpful. This is also where I interject that you should be taking control of the smaller things so we are more apt to start letting go of the bigger things. Show us that you've "got this" and it makes it easier for us to loosen our grip.
2. My Parents Treat Me Like A Slave!
Everyone should take part in making a household run smoothly. The older you get, the more you should help take the pressure off your parents who not ONLY run the household, but usually have jobs outside the home as well. While I understand that school is your "job" outside of the home, it doesn't really do anything to help the household run more smoothly. If you look at it as training to get you ready for your own home, maybe it might not feel like you are taking on all the tasks for selfish reasons. If you feel you are being treated unfairly, perhaps you can sit and discuss the matter with the slave-drivers. Uh, I mean, parents. We usually aren't monsters but make sure you have a valid case and are just not upset that you have to do anything! Lol! Take responsibility for living safely under your roof and food, warmth, electricity, and plenty of perks supplied to you.
3. They Want Me To Stay A Child Forever!
Okay, this one could be true. It all seems to happen so fast! We have put a lot of time, effort and love into your very being. The thought that someday you aren't going to be there anymore is a little daunting for most of us. There are others that are ready to pack your bags for you, but I think in general, it seems like only yesterday you were learning to walk. It's a tough process for parents... letting go and all that. We know that it's going to happen and we want to do the best we can to help you prepare for what's out there in that big bad world. But try not to make fun of us when you catch us just staring lovingly at you. We are probably remembering a time when you were adorable and didn't learn how to roll your eyes as yet...
4. My Parents Won't Let My Mistakes Go! They Keep Bringing Them Up!
This one could be because we feel you are not learning from them. Everyone makes mistakes. It's how we grow. The purpose of mistakes is learn to find a different solution when things don't work right. If you find yourself repeating the same mistake, there's a break in the learning process. Maybe that's why they bring up your mistakes to remind you that you've walked this road before. For a parent to make choices for your future, they rely on things you've done in your recent past. Are there some things you've done that you're not taking responsibility for? Mistakes that you are not taking the lesson away from it? We are not trying to embarrass you or shame you... usually... so perhaps we are trying to protect you from making the same mistake again.
5. My Parents Don't Want Me To Have Any Fun!
Parents are, by nature worriers. You have been given to them to take care and and get out into the grown-up world with minor infractions. You may not realize it, but at this time in your life, your brain does not assess risk very well. And we know that. You aren't making the most intelligent choices right now in your life span, which is mostly fine because we know that (either because we remember the stupid stuff we did when we were teenagers or... you're making the stupid stuff easy for them to see!) So no, it's not that we don't want you to have any fun. We just want to make sure that you are going to be safe and come home in one piece. So we ask questions, we want details and we want the promise of at least pretending to be rational. Keep us in the loop! Let us know when there are changes to the plans. We just want you to be safe.
6.They Have NO IDEA How I Feel!!
I know that the ways of life are different for every generation, and that we as parents seem... old. But I promise you, NO ONE forgets their teenage years!! Circumstances may be different, but all the emotions, the drama, the pain, the humiliation, the anger, the wanting to grow up... it's all there. And when we see you suffering in any way, it affects us twice as much. And, I hate to say it, (and I'll only use this one time, although it can easily apply to every one of these...) you won't understand until you have children of you own. In fact, it's freaky clear how I can remember saying the EXACT same things to my parents that my teen has said to me. So yes, while things are different, they are still very much the same. I am sorry if your parents do not empathize with whatever issues you happen to be dealing with or worse, belittles them, but I guarantee you, they know exactly how you feel. Chances are, they felt it too. We only want to protect you from what is making you miserable, or angry, or moody so we try whatever method we can think of to help you. Sometimes that comes out with a story of our past- the last thing you want to hear about, I'm sure- or we try to get you to shrug it off, get past it. Or maybe we can't think of what you are feeling because we have grown-up issues to deal with as well. We are human and therefore fallible, and I am sorry for that, but know that we do CARE about how you feel. Don't give up on us. Talk to us.
7. I Wish My Parents Would Just Cut Me Some Slack! I'm Going To Make Mistakes! Chill!
Again, we know you are going to make mistakes and that is fine. Honestly, sometimes we deal with the news of a mistake from our gut before we are able to process the information. My bad. We deal with a lot of issues through fear. You are such an important part of our life that many times we think of what COULD of happened before we consider what actually DID happen. It COULD have been worse. So, sadly, we come out of the gate yelling or whatever our fear response is before we can calmly think through the situation. Like I said before, mistakes aren't the issue, really, we are most concerned with how you are going to handle mistakes. We are wanting to give you more responsibility when we can see that you respect it.
8. They Ask Loaded Questions! It's Like They Don't Trust Us To Have Our Own Opinion! (Like, "Don't you think you should be studying for that super- important test you have tomorrow?" Or "Did you pack your gloves? It's snowing.")
Guilty. But we don't do it on purpose. I promise. We are not trying to make you feel stupid and we certainly don't look for reasons to irritate you, it's just another defense mechanism to attempt to impart our words of wisdom subconsciously. Not working, huh?
9. They Think They Know Everything!
Guilty again. We always want to have the answers for you and we want to protect you from everything. We never want you to feel you can't come to us with your questions or problems. And we always want you to be able to look up to us like you did when you were eight. So, if we come across as "all knowing", I am sorry, on behalf of parents everywhere.
10. Just Because They Had A Bad Day, They Shouldn't Take It Out On Us!
Ummm, I can say the same thing to you. We are both equally guilty on this one. Let's agree to give the other a warning if a bad day has happened and allow one another some quiet time to let off some steam before we yell at each other. Deal?
There you have it. Ten common teen complaints and the parents answers they wish you'd let them tell you. Now, I can't speak for all parents, but I did my best to try and keep an open mind when coming up with these answers. I hope they are helpful to you! Let me know what you think in the comments below. And as always, be kind in your comments and not hateful or harmful! Thank you in advance!
1. My Parents Just Want To Control My Whole Life!
If you remember correctly, we did used to be in charge of your whole life. We were responsible for every little thing you needed and wanted. So as things change and you begin to vie for control of things, we, as parents are looking to see that you are ready to take control. We know that you are growing up and are in need to want to run things in your life, but if you could slow down a little and help us to make it a gradual transition instead of overnight, that would be most helpful. This is also where I interject that you should be taking control of the smaller things so we are more apt to start letting go of the bigger things. Show us that you've "got this" and it makes it easier for us to loosen our grip.
2. My Parents Treat Me Like A Slave!
Everyone should take part in making a household run smoothly. The older you get, the more you should help take the pressure off your parents who not ONLY run the household, but usually have jobs outside the home as well. While I understand that school is your "job" outside of the home, it doesn't really do anything to help the household run more smoothly. If you look at it as training to get you ready for your own home, maybe it might not feel like you are taking on all the tasks for selfish reasons. If you feel you are being treated unfairly, perhaps you can sit and discuss the matter with the slave-drivers. Uh, I mean, parents. We usually aren't monsters but make sure you have a valid case and are just not upset that you have to do anything! Lol! Take responsibility for living safely under your roof and food, warmth, electricity, and plenty of perks supplied to you.
3. They Want Me To Stay A Child Forever!
Okay, this one could be true. It all seems to happen so fast! We have put a lot of time, effort and love into your very being. The thought that someday you aren't going to be there anymore is a little daunting for most of us. There are others that are ready to pack your bags for you, but I think in general, it seems like only yesterday you were learning to walk. It's a tough process for parents... letting go and all that. We know that it's going to happen and we want to do the best we can to help you prepare for what's out there in that big bad world. But try not to make fun of us when you catch us just staring lovingly at you. We are probably remembering a time when you were adorable and didn't learn how to roll your eyes as yet...
4. My Parents Won't Let My Mistakes Go! They Keep Bringing Them Up!
This one could be because we feel you are not learning from them. Everyone makes mistakes. It's how we grow. The purpose of mistakes is learn to find a different solution when things don't work right. If you find yourself repeating the same mistake, there's a break in the learning process. Maybe that's why they bring up your mistakes to remind you that you've walked this road before. For a parent to make choices for your future, they rely on things you've done in your recent past. Are there some things you've done that you're not taking responsibility for? Mistakes that you are not taking the lesson away from it? We are not trying to embarrass you or shame you... usually... so perhaps we are trying to protect you from making the same mistake again.
5. My Parents Don't Want Me To Have Any Fun!
Parents are, by nature worriers. You have been given to them to take care and and get out into the grown-up world with minor infractions. You may not realize it, but at this time in your life, your brain does not assess risk very well. And we know that. You aren't making the most intelligent choices right now in your life span, which is mostly fine because we know that (either because we remember the stupid stuff we did when we were teenagers or... you're making the stupid stuff easy for them to see!) So no, it's not that we don't want you to have any fun. We just want to make sure that you are going to be safe and come home in one piece. So we ask questions, we want details and we want the promise of at least pretending to be rational. Keep us in the loop! Let us know when there are changes to the plans. We just want you to be safe.
6.They Have NO IDEA How I Feel!!
I know that the ways of life are different for every generation, and that we as parents seem... old. But I promise you, NO ONE forgets their teenage years!! Circumstances may be different, but all the emotions, the drama, the pain, the humiliation, the anger, the wanting to grow up... it's all there. And when we see you suffering in any way, it affects us twice as much. And, I hate to say it, (and I'll only use this one time, although it can easily apply to every one of these...) you won't understand until you have children of you own. In fact, it's freaky clear how I can remember saying the EXACT same things to my parents that my teen has said to me. So yes, while things are different, they are still very much the same. I am sorry if your parents do not empathize with whatever issues you happen to be dealing with or worse, belittles them, but I guarantee you, they know exactly how you feel. Chances are, they felt it too. We only want to protect you from what is making you miserable, or angry, or moody so we try whatever method we can think of to help you. Sometimes that comes out with a story of our past- the last thing you want to hear about, I'm sure- or we try to get you to shrug it off, get past it. Or maybe we can't think of what you are feeling because we have grown-up issues to deal with as well. We are human and therefore fallible, and I am sorry for that, but know that we do CARE about how you feel. Don't give up on us. Talk to us.
7. I Wish My Parents Would Just Cut Me Some Slack! I'm Going To Make Mistakes! Chill!
Again, we know you are going to make mistakes and that is fine. Honestly, sometimes we deal with the news of a mistake from our gut before we are able to process the information. My bad. We deal with a lot of issues through fear. You are such an important part of our life that many times we think of what COULD of happened before we consider what actually DID happen. It COULD have been worse. So, sadly, we come out of the gate yelling or whatever our fear response is before we can calmly think through the situation. Like I said before, mistakes aren't the issue, really, we are most concerned with how you are going to handle mistakes. We are wanting to give you more responsibility when we can see that you respect it.
8. They Ask Loaded Questions! It's Like They Don't Trust Us To Have Our Own Opinion! (Like, "Don't you think you should be studying for that super- important test you have tomorrow?" Or "Did you pack your gloves? It's snowing.")
Guilty. But we don't do it on purpose. I promise. We are not trying to make you feel stupid and we certainly don't look for reasons to irritate you, it's just another defense mechanism to attempt to impart our words of wisdom subconsciously. Not working, huh?
9. They Think They Know Everything!
Guilty again. We always want to have the answers for you and we want to protect you from everything. We never want you to feel you can't come to us with your questions or problems. And we always want you to be able to look up to us like you did when you were eight. So, if we come across as "all knowing", I am sorry, on behalf of parents everywhere.
10. Just Because They Had A Bad Day, They Shouldn't Take It Out On Us!
Ummm, I can say the same thing to you. We are both equally guilty on this one. Let's agree to give the other a warning if a bad day has happened and allow one another some quiet time to let off some steam before we yell at each other. Deal?
There you have it. Ten common teen complaints and the parents answers they wish you'd let them tell you. Now, I can't speak for all parents, but I did my best to try and keep an open mind when coming up with these answers. I hope they are helpful to you! Let me know what you think in the comments below. And as always, be kind in your comments and not hateful or harmful! Thank you in advance!
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